Friendship, Loneliness, and Belonging
Author: Stan Guthrie
October 05, 2023
In J.R.R. Tolkien’s magnificent book, The Fellowship of the Ring, readers encounter all sorts of marvels: Ringwraiths, elves, hobbits, dwarves, a wizard, and the One Ring, which, when heated in the fire, displays the chilling inscription:
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
But the book’s power and beauty are clearest when Tolkien shines a spotlight on the seemingly ordinary stuff of life—food and drink, the desire for home, and the bonds of friendship. When representatives of the Free Peoples gather at Rivendell to decide who will journey with Frodo in a near-hopeless quest to destroy the Ring in the fires of Mount Doom, Elrond suggests that two more elves should complete the Fellowship. Pippin, one of Frodo’s friends from the Shire, objects, saying he wants to go, too. Elrond replies that Pippin has no idea of the perils ahead.
At this point, Gandalf the wizard speaks up:
“Neither does Frodo. Nor do any of us see clearly. It is true that if these hobbits understood the danger, they would not dare to go. But they would still wish to go, or wish that they dared, and be shamed and unhappy. I think, Elrond, that in this matter it would be well to trust rather to their friendship than to great wisdom. Even if you chose for us an Elf-lord, such as Glorfindel, he could not storm the Dark Tower, nor open the road to the Fire by the power that is in him.”
Friendship wins out, and two undistinguished and unimposing hobbits are added to the Fellowship of the Ring. Both end up playing important, perhaps indispensable, roles in the War of the Ring—all because of friendship.
In the world in which we live, friendship is just as important, if not more so. And while the word “friend” is easy to define—the Merriam-Webster Dictionary says it’s “one attached to another by affection or esteem”—its essence seems to slip through our fingers. “Words are easy, like the wind,” Shakespeare said; “faithful friends are hard to find.” Helen Keller poignantly observed, “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
Tragically, in our postmodern, post-pandemic world, too many of us find ourselves walking alone in the dark.
According to the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey, Americans enjoy fewer close friendships than they once did, talk to their friends less often, and rely less on their friends for personal support. In 1990, three in four people said they had a best friend. In 2021, only 59 percent said so.
Many Americans do not have a large number of close friends. About half of Americans report having only three or fewer close friends, compared with only 27 percent in 1990.
The loneliness epidemic has been hitting young people particularly hard. The number of adolescents experiencing school loneliness doubled between 2012 and 2018. Researchers say the daily use of smartphones, which started in 2012, and social media are big reasons why. Other data reveal that youth depression and anxiety doubled during the pandemic. Many members of Gen Z are spending tremendous sums on gym memberships and clubs in a relentless search for friendships.
And no wonder. Loneliness and social isolation have been linked to increased risk for:
- Heart disease and stroke.
- Type 2 diabetes.
- Depression and anxiety.
- Addiction.
- Suicide and self-harm.
- Dementia.
- Earlier death.
In the face of all these statistics and trends, Pastor Chris and NCC’s other leaders want us to reemphasize God’s gift of “Belonging.” In a world characterized by loneliness and isolation, their vision is for us to be beacons of hope and belonging. “Together,” Pastor Chris says, “we can become a place where individuals find the belonging for which they yearn.” That belonging exists in three biblical dimensions:
- In Worship (upward);
- In Community (inward); and
- On Mission (outward).
In each of these dimensions, we, as a local Body of Christ, express the beautiful truth that our faith is not a solitary endeavor. It is a journey of friends who together are seeking to honor and enjoy our loving heavenly Father, support and encourage and serve one another in Christ’s kingdom, and jointly hold forth the Word of life in the matchless power and joy of the Holy Spirit. It is an invitation to belong.
As our Lord said in John 15:13-15:
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
In our increasingly fragmented world, where so many lonely people long for connection, we have the privilege of pointing them to the real thing in Jesus Christ. What an opportunity, for them and for us! Together, by God’s grace, we can do this.
Stan Guthrie is NCC’s minister of communications.
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
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